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The Secret Explore a young guys struggle with coming to terms with being gay

The sound of the ambulance siren grew louder and Josh breathed a sigh of relief. The worse was maybe still to come but at least help was coming and he stared down at his friend, the lifeless body twitching a little and the pool of blood only growing, despite the rough tourniquets that he had applied to both arms. As the siren grew deafening Josh prayed silently for his friend, and he stuttered a little as he struggled to remember any prayers of his childhood, yet all he could come up with an ancient prayer that maybe didn't apply, but somehow, he didn't think God would mind.

"Sh'ma yis-ro-ayl, A-do-noy e-lo-hay-nu, A-do-noy e-hod" (Means "Hear, oh Israel, the Lord our God, The Lord is one"), was all he could think of and he repeated it over and over again, as deep inside of his heart he begged the God of his father to reach down and help him. He pleaded with him, urging him not to judge Robbie too hard, and as the paramedics entered the room, he stood back, unsure of what to do.

Paramedic #1 "How long has he been unconscious?"

Shit, look at all this damn blood, thank God these are new pants, wish the kid had wiped some of it up, hate it when there is blood all over.

Josh "Huh? I don't know, I came back early, not long, I don't know"

Shit fuck off with the 20 questions and just help him already, damn he's lost so much blood, why aren't they pouring some in? What's with the bag of clear stuff? God I hope they know what they are doing.

Paramedic #2 "You a friend or what?"

Wonder what the story is on this one? Kid doesn't look like a junkie but you sure as hell can't count on that one, where the fuck are the cops? They should have been here by now

Josh "Huh? Friends, we share this place, he uh, only moved in a few weeks ago, is he going to, I mean, will he."

What fucking difference does that make? Just fucking look after him, God he looks so friggin pale, oh God he has to be okay, I mean why did he do this? Damn you Robbie, why did you do this? Couldn't you have talked to me or someone else about whatever was bugging you? God, look at all that blood on the floor, how much blood does a person have?

Paramedic #1 "Too early to tell, did he take any drugs?"

Not a bad looking kid, looks so peaceful doesn't he? But at least his heart is beating and his pulse seems to be okay, wonder if he's taking anything? Sure doesn't look like a junkie.

Josh "No, I don't know, I don't think so, he doesn't do drugs, least, I don't think he does"

Fuck if I know, I should fucking know though, after all we are supposed to be boyfriends, how the fuck can he do this to me? Shit, are they going to call his parents? What do I say to them? Hell I don't even know much about them, shit, damn you Robbie, this isn't right, what the fuck was bugging you? Why couldn't you talk to me about it? Am I that much of a dickhead?

Paramedic #1 "Okay, well we'll need more details, how old is he? 19? 20?"

Christ, they get younger every time, damn it is so fucking a waste, what could be so damn terrible that a kid like this would want to die? Don't they understand, death is final?

Josh "19 I think, I don't know, can't this wait, why aren't you taking him to the hospital? He isn't, I mean."

Fuck off with the questions, damn it why aren't you rushing him to the hospital? What is with this clear shit, he should be getting blood, shouldn't he? Why don't they carry any blood with them? Never mind his fucking age, just help him to see his next birthday for Christ's sake.

Paramedic #1 "No, he isn't, it's close but I think we got here in time, those tourniquets? You do them?"

Well he looks stable enough now; kid did good on those tourniquets, wonder where he learned how to do that? Saved this one's life, that's for sure, but will he appreciate it when he wakes up? Most of them don't and it makes you wonder why bother in the first place.

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